THANKS sherri
Thank you xiaowei aka sherri for your encouraging emails almost daily! I did not know you read my blog lor. I tot not many people know I change blog. Anyway …tonight one of your emails really was timely.
God is very good. He seems to speak to me through many different ways. Its like I can open up a pg of the bible or an email or read someone’s blog entry and it speaks to my current situation. I feel like God knows the condition of my heart and mind even when I never tell it to other people. Theres a lot of things I dun say out to even the closest people to me. Last time I will just blah everything out. Now I dunno why, I just feel blahing it all out to people will not help me at all. Sometimes, it may even make things worse. Now I just blah it all out to God. But god is amazing. Even when I haven’t even started blahing it to him, he already show me things that will help me.
Tonight I am reminded to trust wholly on God.
In the email, it says that God does not promise to keep us from being hurt in our r/s but he does promise to keep us from being destroyed. The more you trust God, the more effective you will be in your r/s with others.
I remember some time ago, I was having problems with this close gf of mine here. I think it was a one sided thing coz apparently I am the one thinking there is a problem. Haha..anyway, innerly, I was feeling very frustrated. More hurt and disappointed and frustrated than I appear to really be. I thank God for helping me through the situation. I thank God for reminding me of his unjudging love for me and how I shall do the same on others. I thank God for tolerance and patience and being able to wait on his timing. Now me and this gf are back to normal even w/o doing much. And I feel very happy and grateful becoz this friend means a lot to me.
“ love does not begin until you expect nothing in return” how not to expect nothing in return? When my trust is wholly on the lord, I can love like that. Tonight I prayed the prayer included in the mail and now I can only try to work towards loving without expecting anything in return. Its very easy to say ‘ I expect nothing’ for me I dun expect anything material when I love someone. But I realise I do expect certain things like a comforting hug when I am down etc. But yet again, that is not too much to ask for. But yet again, when it is not the person’s timing to hug me maybe coz he/she is tired or stress or doing work etc , or when the person do not know how I am feeling etc, then the person will prob not do what I would expect no matter how minimally I expect. I want to be a person who put my trust wholly on God. After praying, keeping silent, listening to hillsongs ‘ faithful’ ‘ I trust in you’ ….i feel all my burdens for today lifted up. The monthly period and cramps or stress from work and from my research will have no greater power over my mood than God has. AMEN !
prayer reflection
Today I felt moved to research the bible about prayer. In cell 1 week ago, I had the honor to share about my own testimony of what prayer means. Today I felt like I needed to remind myself how prayer is important so that I can stay consistent in prayer. It is easy in the midst of work, studies and fun that I put prayer off..i need to remind myself.
In luke 22:41-44 God showed me how Jesus prayed on the mount of olives. “ father if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine” this verse really impacted me. Even Jesus who was once a man wanted God to take away his suffering because he was feeling so awful. However, Jesus being a man after God’s heart, said that even he wants something, yet he also want God’s will even more. And I think this is what prayer is about. Praying our desires and yet telling God His will is more important to us. Sometimes I struggle w prayer in the sense that I do not know when I am asking for what I want and when I am asking for God’s will. I can pray and say God let your will be done, but upon examination, I think my heart speaks differently. But then God today also showed me this verse in James 4:2 > …the reason you don’t have what you want is that you don’t ask God for it and even when you do ask, you don’t get it because your whole motive is wrong. You want only what will give you pleasure.. I guess it is not wrong to tell God what we want and ask God for it. But we must ask God for them with the right motives. For me the right motive has always been that me or whomever I am praying for will be a light and testimony of God’s goodness. I took some time in reading James 3:14 which talked about bitter jealousy and selfish ambition. Its very easy to just go through it, highlight. But I don’t know why today I just kept reading it over and over. And I just suddenly felt like I probably have selfish ambitions in my heart. Its like wanting something for myself. I cant say specifically because even I don’t know what issit in me that reflects selfish ambition. But I just know that there is. And I pray that God will help me not have any selfish ambitions. Elijah was as human as we are, but when he prayed earnestly for no rain to fall, none fell for the next 3.5 years. Then when he prayed again for rain, rain came. I wish and hope that I can be a person like Elijah, who can understand what praying earnestly means and to pray earnestly…
rumbling
It’s a Sunday and for the 2nd time this year, I am not in church. Coz it’s an afternoon service today! Special speaker so I guess he cant make it in the morning. One thing good about a small church, timing can become quite flexible. Soon I want to spend some good quality time with god. Its only 1day that I haven’t really set aside time to read the bible and pray and I feel lethargic I was working from 10 to 4 at subway yesterday and after which I had this bad headache and super hungry. X cooked very delicious hokkien noodles and gave me a good head massage. Thank god that he is a potential househusband. Able to go out and do well in the workplace and also able to do housework and cook. I am so blessed. =) Hahaha actually I also think I make a very good wife! I love to cook for my loved ones and I am getting better by the day through experimentation. And I feel after these 2 years in Australia, I can take care of a home, myself and hopefully a family. I would also love to pursue my dream in lecturing in nursing. Teaching has always seem to be my forte and nursing my passion. Hee when I get tired of it all, I can open a small café and sell handmade pastries like Emma in stranger than fiction. Conincidentally X has thought of this café thing too. He is a v good cook and patient w preparing ingredients. And his passion in life is to impact and teach others his knowledge and encourage openness and creativity and thinking in the big picture in the procurement industry. So that means he is also into lecturing! With 5 years of working experience and a masters degree on hand, he is much nearer to his goal than I am. I have to work about 5 years more before I can lecture. Hee but I am so looking forward to it…we are just praying hard that everything works out for us according to God’s plan and purpose. Afterall, we have both decided that God will be the centre and the priority. Put God first and all other things will go well..
