red bull gives you wings
red bull gives you wings >> hahahaha the reason for this title is coz i tink the ad in perth that says ' red bull gives you wings' is quite true. I had a can of red bull at 1pm yesterday before my woundcare class at silver chain in order to stay alert. And the last time i had one was several yrs ago when i was studying my A levels .hahaha ...
Last night or rather this morning i slept at 530am and woke up at 9am. In total > 3.5hrs. I feel abit stoned now but i have to settle a few things. Feel so
unsettled esp after my last wound care class yesterday. I need to start data collection plsss.....can Nick or Kerlyn give me a clue on when or where can i start ? I dun want to waste any more time already !!
Can u believe its already almost september, i am graduating in early december and i havent even started the basis of research ! the data collection! When i wanted to start in June, they say proposal not good enough. So edit edit edit then got it approved in July. The series of 'procrastinations' are as follows :
MaY: proposal
June: proposal sent for review
Late June: proposal not good enough, to edit
Early July: approved (Yippee....naively tot can finally start data collection)
Mid July: cannot start yet ( kerlyn says must take woundcare modules then i can be qualified to observe and interview general practice nurses on their wound care skills and knowledge)
August: wound care classes (only 4 classes, but once a week ! so means stretch for 1 whole month)
End of Aug: end wound care class. Tried contacting Nick (who is usually uncontactable though he is my direct supervisor..ok i shouldnt even go there man....God help me.....) to no avail and contacted kerlyn ( who i feel so bad to contact coz she is a super clever, busy woman ..director of this and that, and she is not even supp to be involved in my project...) Kerlyn just said she will call me back in an Hr. must have caught her in a meeting. Feel bad again. Where is NIck !
Subway at Village green contacted me about the application i sent thru ages ago. They just renovated and wanna start hiring again. I am at odds. I do not know how much more time do i have spare. Furthermore i still have the one at carousel which only gave me a 6 hr shift this thursday! Thats why i wanna take up the village green one. It opens 7 days a week morning till night. So i can work longer if i got more spare time and have more savings ! Been trying to save save save. Its a pact i made with myself. Save at least 5K this semester. Rest of the spare cash can use to buy nice things for people. Gota go change one of the ties i bot today. I love the exchange policy here...v flexible. Do you ever have any time when u buy something and it looked so good at the store, but when you bring it home, it looked so awful, u'll think why the H** did i buy it in the first place? hahah thats what happened to me....
As i was writing this, i felt wierd. I hardly write random daily routine thoughts down...haha ..red bull works funny..
Secret - jay chou starring Mr dude
Secret - Jay Chou冷咖啡离开了杯垫As the cold coffee leaves the coaster
我忍住的情绪在很后面I desperately tried to hold my emotions far behind
拼命想挽回的从前Fighting hard to restore the past
在我脸上依旧清晰可见On my face you can still see ever so clearly
最美的不是下雨天that rainy day wasn’t the most beautiful
是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐 oh~~
It’s the shelters that I once shared with you in the rain
回忆的画面The pictures in my memory
在荡着秋千 梦开始不甜While on the swings dreams become less sweet
你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远You told me that by gradually letting go I’d be able to go further
又何必去改变已错过的时间and why bother changing the times that you’ve missed
你用你的指尖 阻止我说再见you used your fingertip to stop me from saying goodbye
想像你在身边在完全失去之前imaging you being by my side before you completely disappear
你说把爱渐渐 放下会走更远You told me that by gradually letting go I’d be able to go further
或许命运的签 只让我们遇见Perhaps life’s destiny only allowed us to meet
只让我们相恋 这一季的秋天(and) Only allowed us to love this one season of fall
飘落後才发现 这幸福的碎片only after the pieces drifted down that I realized these are the pieces of happiness
要我怎麼捡How do i pick them up
this is Jay chou's latest song and i love it. Thank you sharine for sending me the song file ! =) definately cant get the album here in perth lor ! hee i love Jay chou. I tink i have never liked any singer as much as i like him. I have all his albums on my itunes , ipod and realplayer..haha ....i tink his songs are all meaningful and i love his MTVS esp 'feng' ..my super duper favourite! the mtv for feng is linked to another mtv for a song by another chinese male singer which i cant rem his name or the song. one of Jay's good friend. All of Jay's songs got some story behind it. Even the ones on the paparazzi or his mom or his grandma....hee..tts why i like him. He is a sweet guy haha Aaron is really sweet too. Knowing how much i liked it, He went to learn the song and sang it along with guitar over msn .... The super thing is tt his chinese is not fantastic and yet he learned it so well tt he can sing the lyrics like a true blue china man hahahaha....of coz his guitar skills is as usual very good (miss hearing him play for cell group...) ....clapclap aaron..good job..hahaha very touching.... except the part when he 'arrrghhh ' at the end whahaha .....thanks for all the effort dude...kekeke...
the process of grieving over lost
Dear Bloggie
Its such a different feeling that i come with before i started writing this entry. Mainly
happy for the first time in 3 weeks. People like klessis and Gary and Sabie and lisa would know some of the things i have been struggling with and i am very thankful for people like them who are always around for me no matter how far i am in distance.
Indeed after the past few weeks, it seems i realised for the first time that i am a rather or very
complicated person. Hahaha...i was quite shocked to hear
gary say " yah we all know " ..hahah then i was like ..." errr....who is we? " seems like only i have been living in self ignorance. haha ..ignorant of how complex i am. My biggest flaw is > i think too much . Especially when i am living in a boring place like perth haha.
For the past few weeks, i have been thinking alot, to the point of
excessive negative thinking. Thinking and wanting to go back to the past, regretting coming on this scholarship, regretting breaking up with tristan, being sad that he seems to have moved on and here i am being pathetic and silly and having hope of getting back when i was the one who wanted to end it, struggling with the current relationship and having alot of self created doubts abt it, thinking nobody cares at all, that i have no friends, wanting to live in isolation in my room away from everybody, not answering calls, not going church, not praying, overeating on junk food at night and feeling bad, overworking at subway, etcetc .....by being so honest in such a public blog (which is not like multiply and i cant restrict it to certain people) about my near depression and stupidity and lack of faith in God is like being near nakedness in public....but i purposely wrote it all down for all who care to see because i want to
admit my struggles and show how if i can walk thru it and come out victorious, anyone who go thru similar situations can also do the same. I tink one of my good points is that i can be quite open and honest with my thoughts because i know nobody is perfect. And
i embrace the fact that i am imperfect and totally believe that confessing my mistakes and sins to people and God is the first step in the process of solving the problem and not allowing the problem get a hold on me. Everything is a choice. God gives me choices and when i am unable to hear God, God sends people to help me. But at the end of the day, these people cannot do anything for me. Only i can choose to step out of all that depressing S*** . Right now, i have chosen and i am happy. The next time round when it hits me again, it will hit me less hard becoz i will be well prepared with the word of God, with the reminders of the good in me and with the support of special people.
Tristan was a good guy. He is the best supporter to me for almost 5 years and hence it is very hard for me to move on. I have experienced first hand what serious breaking up is like and the different stages of grieving over losing someone special. The lost of the physical and emotional connection is like losing a loved one to death. It had been a heart breaking period for me and it doesnt help that it is super boring perth. I had been grieving, going thru the stages of denial over the lost, sadness, anger, having false hope etc.I am definately not new to grieving for i had lost my bestest frend of 7 years
rachel wu sikorski to a drowning accident. that was in 1999. Its been 8 years already, and still i always think of her. Think of all the good things in her. I even bought a keyring with her name on it because i felt all the qualities written on the key ring was what she is like.
delightful, easy going, ever present smile, helpful when a hand is needed, can be counted on in times of need, hard working, loving, gentle, kind to all, personifies patience and compassion. I had really loved this friend. We spent 1 -2mths studying together for O levels. Slept on the same bed and ate at the same table for tt 2 mths. and 1 mth later she passes away when we had promised to go on a cruise to celebrate together. It breaks my heart just thinking of how wonderful she is and how i wished she was still around.
Losing tristan was like losing another rachel. maybe 90% of rachel. He was my boyfriend and bestest friend of almost 5years after rachel and i felt i had lost him to God's plan. So if up till now i can still get sad and cry over rachel wu, then how will it be like with tristan. Of coz i will and probably have found the life partner God has intended to be more suitable for me, however it doesnt mean i cannot still remember the good old days and cry over the lost like i do for rachel. Losing someone special is part and parcel of life. and through the grieving process, God is strengthening me to be a stronger woman.
I have always counted my
empatheticness to be my biggest strength. I am able to be put myself in the shoes of other people and feel their hurts and sadness for all of its worth. Its not just knowing tt people are sad and hurt. I can literally feel it like they r feeling it. Through my grieve and the hurts i have gone thru in life, i know for sure tt God is only using them to increase my ability to empathize. And thats why God has called me into Nursing. To be a healer. I believe through my sensitivity and compassion for sick people, for people down and out , i can be a part of their healing to wholeness. And living an imperfect life, a life of hurts and disappointments means i can relate to people who face the same things. I know there are many many out there facing bigger issues, and i used to feel bad for feeling so depressed over my little issues. But somehow i had this revelation that my issues are big to me now because i had never faced bigger ones. And slowly God is increasing my capacity to face bigger issues and help other people with similar issues.
This has been such a complicated entry that probably only reinforces the fact tt i think alot. hee...
helloooooo
Dear friends back in Singapore,
SOrry i havent been updating my blog as much as i should coz i know some of you only get updates of me from my blog. I have got good news to share which some of you migh already know............
I HAVE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO SINGAPORE AT THE END OF THIS YEAR to complete my 6 years of bond. haha maybe this doesnt come as a surprise to some people who do not know that i am comptemplating staying on in Australia. Well...i shouldnt proclaim this dishonourable thing out loud also. So there i am going back to Singapore ! hee i cant wait ! a few months ago, i was like anti Singapore. MAny people here thought i was malaysian which is a compliment to me. haha...somehow the malaysians feel Singaporeans are competitive, demanding and speaks in a not so easy going way. So..haha...i guess i am a good singaporean. Sometimes it just takes one single person to ruin the impression of others on their home country. Like my ex housemate from dubai...ok i shall not bad mouth anybody here. But you should really see how extremely dirty she is. Dig her ears till the cotton bud ends r black and then leave the cotton buds around the sink when the dustbin is 1feet away? okok..theres alot more, but i shall not grouse anyone more. hahaha ...so complaining v bad.
Recently a friend and spiritual mentor of mine told me this from Dr AR Bernard "
the main reason for a man's downfall is DISCONTENTMENT" . The good thing about sharing my heart with this friend is that i don't feel like i will be judged even though she is a spiritual leader. SHe has true conviction with the verse in the bible that says we shouldnt judge others becoz Jesus does not judge us. Anyway about the verse, it struck a chord in my heart. Discontentment, i tink i have alot of that recently. I havent been thankful enough to God. Thankful for the little and big things that He has given me. I shall attempt to list the things i shall be thankful for
1) being given a scholarship and monthly allowance
2) being overseas to experience overseas life no matter how tough it is ..
3) having mostly good housemates who i can talk to and spend time with
4) having a place to stay in
5) having a casual job at subway where i get a free subway sandwich after each shift and where i get to meet difficult customers and australian colleagues. I also get extra pocket money to spend on the things i want
6) having a supportive family who is always giving me advice that i need and help and bringing me to eat and bringing me my stuff from Singapore when they visit
7) friends in SIngapore who continue to keep in contact with me.
8) lisa > this friend i really am grateful for. I called her yesterday at 545pm to just ask if she can help me do a new pair of spectacles so my family can bring over next monday, and she did it all and got the spectacles by 10pm despite the fact tt she was going for a show and dinner to celebrate 2 freinds birthday. Thats very impressive and v touching. This is what i call going all out for a friend in need. Sometimes i think i havent appreciated her enough. Its like proximity breeds comtempt. How best friends knowing each other so much that the little flaws become big. I know i have lots of flaws too and i really need to remind myself tt i am not perfect either.
9) sabrina > a really good friend, even at work or doing overtime, she will talk to me and ask me how i am and provide godly and good advice. Sometimes her advices r so good, they make me cry becoz they r the things i refuse to do but know i should. Sabrina is a beautiful person. her beautiful character shines out like nobody i know.
10) klessis > hhahaa my spiritual mentor and leader. Always concerned about me and always catching up on people's lives by making an effort to read people's blogs no matter how busy she is with church work and little Joey. Sometimes i also think i dun appreciate her enough. I was even complaining to sabie one time tt i feel like nobody cares abt me in Singapore. When i realised that people do still remember me and even mention me during cell refreshments etc, ifeel so bad for even having a doubt tt nobody remembers me.
11) people like sharine, xiangcen, xiaowei and of coz gary..who i noe still catches me on this blog...
there ..easily more than 10 things to be thankful for and probably even more if i continue to think .....thank you God for all these things...forgive me for being discontented and faithless..
Recently i have been quite stressed. I have been doing alot of reading. Reading up on my woundcare modules and also 3 other books. I am quite a easily confused and complicated person. I wish i can be simple. I wish i can be more sensitive to God's voice and be more obedient in the ways he wants me to take. Maybe then i wont be in the mess i am in now. Hhahaha
anyway ...will update more frequently now...hee
gotta go ..bye
