letting go
why is letting go of the past so hardwhy do i like to think back and think of how good things were then
why do i like to think of how good tristan was to me before
why do i regret that i have let go of such a good guy
why do i not remind myself of the reasons for the break up like he remembers
why do i not remember that breaking up wld draw both of us closer with God and fulfill our individual callings.
why can i not move on like he seems to be
why do i have to call and give him the feeling ' shit, going back to the past again'
why do he no longer say ' i call you back later' instead he says ' i talk to you another day '
why do he no longer care or love me
i dont like to be vulnerable like i was and i am now.
i dont like to eat up every single available biscuits, chocolates, cereal, bread, subway that i have in the house like i did yesterday and the day before.
i dont like to drink wine in excess
i hate myself when i get out of control
i dont like to think that others don't care
i dont like to think that i am alone in all these becoz there are people with bigger problems
i am blessed to be alive
i am blessed to be healthy
i am blessed to have a guitar and be able to play it
i am blessed to have friends who care like janica, aaron, debbie, charlyn, elle, yvonne, jolin, jenny, kylie, shane, mingchoon, darryl, zhisheng.
i am blessed to have a family , all healthy , living in a comfortable house
i am blessed to have my own room in spore
i am blessed to have my own room here in perth
i am blessed to own a bible and be able to read it whenever i want, openly
i am blessed to have housemates who let me cry on their shoulders and tell me they care
i am blessed to have a housemate to drive me to sch when it is dark
i am blessed to own a laptop , ipod nano, a prada wallet, a ericsson hp , a camera
i am blessed to be sponsored by the goverment to study here
i am blessed to be able to buy clothes and shoes when i need or want.
i am blessed with friends in cell who own cars and drive me here and there
i am blessed to be a qualified registered nurse and a qualifed professional bridal make up artiste.
i am blessed to be told that i cook well
i am blessed to be told that i bring light to the cell group
i am blessed to be able to sing for God and serve God in usher
i am blessed to be able to play guitar for cell
i am blessed to be taught how to improve my guitar
i am blessed when people invite me for a meal and cook for me
i am blessed when people celebrate with me when a test is over
i am blessed to have a partner like tristan for almost 5years.
i am blessed that he still picks up his phone or calls me back whenever i call
i am blessed that my friends in spore still ask about me
i am blessed that my stepfather is a nice gentle, kind, sweet , mild tempered, hardworking man
i am blessed my mom is a strong, kind hearted, good cook , good baker, good sewer, caring, allowing me to go church, drive me around woman.
i am blessed eliza my sister is a generous, caring, strong, focussed, forgiving person.
i am blessed elroy my brother is a kind hearted, caring, determined and patient guy
i have purposely written down all these not to boast but to remind myself how blessed i am in life. When things seem purposeless, i tend to focus on what is wrong and not what is right in my life.. its time to focus on the good things i have in life. Things many others do not even experience in their whole lifetime. I am blessed. Its time to let go of the sad things and move on with the positive. i pray that God will help me never to look back again. this is the final time.
Jesus help me for i am weak and only you are strong enough to help me
my friends or family cannot help me lord
only you know the cry of my heart
only you know the real weaknesses i have that even i am not aware
Jesus help me never to cry like a baby again
Lord help me never to binge or drink in excess when i am stress but to come to you instead
help me not to make my family and friends worried about me
Lord heal my father of any heart problems he has now. Lord take away any anxieties in his heart. Lord give my mom the strength to support the family and my father now.
Lord i pray you will take away all the gastric problems eliza is facing now. Lord i pray that you will strengthen her r/s with daniel and let promotion come at work.
Lord give me the grace to go through times like this
Lord help me focus on my research
Lord i pray that my proposal would pass the committee with flying colours
let no one despise my youth and lack of experience
Lord help me get first class honours and be a salt and light of the earth
Lord help me be a good testimony of your goodness
lord help me to lift all my sadness and brokenness and past into your hands to take them away
In Jesus name Amen
posted by Ng Yashi @ 1:35 pm
1 Comments:
it's hard when the memories keep coming back now & then, but stay strong, ya? This, too, will pass...
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