Yashitori babe...verbal diarrhea in Australia (melbourne & perth)

having a relationship w God. Focusing on the puzzle pieces...

Today this entry is dedicated to God.

ONE MORE TIME
Lord, i saw your face last night
when i looked in the sky
you were smiling
you told me it would be okay
you would make a way
in my dark times

chorus
everytime i hear your voice
everytime i feel your touch
it makes me know that i can face
tomorrow
one more time

when all my friends go away
i'll be glad to say
you're still near me
even when the wind blows by
i feel warm inside
your're so lovely

Bridge
i need you, don't leave me
without you i can't survive

verse 2
i know that i can face tomorrow
cause you will walk me through
my pain and sorrow
i know that i can face tomorrow
one more time
____________________________

isn't it great? =) sang this song with the choir during a performance on mothers day. actually i did forget some lyrics during the performance, i had to pretend i know by closing and opening my mouth..hahaah..i hope nobody realised tt. Anyway its coz i was so dead tired. Slept only 1 hr on sat before service. Hence i slept from 5am to 6am then woke up to get ready for church. My brain was half dead. hee..but thank God i was not half bad .. i think ..keke...church service was a breakthrough for me. As a christian for about 6 years, i have attended 6 mothers day services, but none has impacted me in the way Pastor Joyce's message has and the way Zion Praise Harvest church's service had. I cant stop crying esp when Pastor Joyce started to cry in the midst of preaching. She looked at her mother in the audience and thanked her with the most heartfelt words. A few testimonies were shared by a few people about their moms. I cant stop crying. Everything nice reminded me of my mom. If people know me well, they know i am not close to my mom. I have alot of grudges from the past that i have never let go despite how they r all in the past. But from now, i can only be happy to think of my mother. I miss her so much and i've never missed her so much before. Now i think of how good she has been to me and all my sistors and brothers. How she single handedly brought us up by herself and had to often get help from friends. How many friends went away when she needed help and only a few stayed. My mom has a bad temper. She is v strong willed. Circumstances have made her this way. Christians in the past have let her down terribly and hence she threatened to kick me out when she first found out that i recieved christ. Despite this, she gave in to my belief when she saw how it is helping me. She is still a staunch buddhist, but she takes me to church when she can. My mom is great! She has sacrificed so much for me. During the times when i was rude to her , when i argued back alot of times in the past, when i was grouchy and moody everyday, when i cryed endlessly, when i was a problem kid with asthma, bronchitis and hard on finances, sleepwalk, have recurrent bad nightmares, when i refused to listen to her....my mom still always loved me. She is not the kind of mom who is gentle or affectionate. She is strong, fierce and can be sacarstic at times. But she is still the greatest mom! A mom's love is indescribable. I called mom before service on sunday, but after service i called again..this time i spoke to her like i had never spoken to her before. i cried and told her how i missed her. Something i have never done. I told her ' mom i know i can be naughty (which she readily agreed hee) , but i still care alot about you etcetc' I love mom!
Seeing how i was before, i wonder if i had a kid like myself when i am a mom next time, can i take it? haha..makes motherhood sound so scary. But God will provide! God will intercede , God will mould us through our own children..i am looking forward to having my own children..

i often go home after a CHC service with alot of impactful head knowledge. CHC messages were always fantastic !! always well preached, the whole service with the strong anointing of the Holy spirit. ZPH is a small church of about 500 plus (mainly students) taking place in a lecture theatre in Curtin. But it is in ZPH, in perth that i literally feed on the word of God to survive. I carry the message home not just in my head now, but in my heart and truly wanting to live them. Is it because ZPH is better than CHC or Perth better than Singapore? NO. this is a revelation for me....our lives can only be truly renewed and transformed by God only when we have a relationship with God.
Has our quiet time with God become a drag? is it a pleasure and a sure must that we spend some time just with God in our rooms, with the bible, guitar, note book and a prayer list? Is our prayer list full of ' god bless me in this and that' , god can you do this , god can you not do that? Do we tell God what to do? Do we say that we want God's will and plan but yet in our hearts we already decided what we want God to do? I used to do all these. Being self centred , not really having a relationship with God, only just a shell beautifully decorated but empty inside. God sees past the shell no matter how beautiful it may appear to be. God looks at our inner man, our heart. God knows our every intention. Will God show us his plans if we are that empty shell? I do not dare to say for others. But in my life, God only really started showing me his plan when i started to genuinely come before him everyday with trust that everthing is in his hands. When i start to lose control over things in my life and lift my burdens up to Him without carrying them back. When every single decision i make is prompted by His voice. Only when i started to build a trusting relationship with God then did i see his blessings and plans for me. Maybe i can conclude that if we r just beautifully decorated empty shell christians, God will still bless us because he is a good god. But we will not see God's blessings, because we are too focussed on getting the big picture now, too focussed on what God has not done or given to us. Hence we do not see what He is already doing and giving to us , we do not see how he is providing the little puzzle pieces that all goes into making that big picture that we desire. Without the little pieces, we cannot even attempt to piece them together and form the big picture. Hence at the end of the day, God may send an equal amount of blessings on two different people but only the one who has persisted in prayer, persisted in trusting God no matter how difficult the situation is, persisted in asking God for His will to be done and not our own will, will achieve the desired outcome. This reminds me of cooking or baking. 2 people can have the same ingredients presented in front of them, but if one chooses to do it his or her own way while another chooses to follow the ways or recipe of a reputable chef, then we all should know how the outcome will be so different. Same ingredients, different outcomes. " sometimes we look so long and hard on the closed door that we fail to see the door that God has opened up for us " .

recently had been having alot of late nights...but each late night was full of joy ! praise the Lord. I really don't know whether to say it here or not coz afterall though this is my own blog meant for all my thoughts, i am also aware that its also a public domain at the same time. Hmm let me just say that I have found my 2nd lovex ! God is my first love !!!
indeed God has everything under control . He is in control all the time. If we are patient to wait, patient during trying times , not blaming God when we don't understand how He has allowed bad things to happen to us ( note that devil sends bad things but the devil has to ask God for permission to send the bad things to test God's people. Hence God decides if he will allow the devil to carry his evil plan) God will soon unravel his goodness and show his plans for us so clearly , miraculously , so shockingly that we know immediately it is from no one, not ourselves, but only from God..

My life now has taken a turn, to the way in which i know that God is dictating my every move. To the way in which i know when something is in the will of God and in His plan. Even when some things of the future seem uncertain, i still have peace in my heart. Peace and understanding that God will move in his timing. Peace that God will help me work things out. Peace that it is all in His plans..

posted by Ng Yashi @ 9:03 pm