rollercoaster night
tonight is my last night in sydney before flying back to singapore..i laid in bed unable to sleep....tristan laying fast asleep and snoring...
i realised i needed to get some telephone numbers of people in singapore to call as i do not have my sim card ....
that was the end of the peace of the night ..
i chanced upon things that hurt me inside out..
betrayal, hurt, frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion and basically madness happened all in a span of 3-4hrs...
i cried so many tears and lost my voice...
but yet u still really love him ...
i had been very confused the past week ...
i keep finding reasons to make myself feel like a breakup was necessary ...
i stated reasons in my previous blog entries..reasons which i had i had to crack my brain to think..reason that didnt even occur to me before the breakup....i didnt even really know why it happened....
i felt so unsettled...
i knew there was something more behind his sudden change of attitude and decision ..
i knew it...a woman's instinct or a Godly instinct...
everything happens according to God's plan and purpose....
everything was meant to happen to teach both of us something...
then finally the picture is not so confusing anymore..
i didnt have to find reasons to rationalize the sudden change in attitude and behavior anymore..
becoz i have found the main reason ...
its amazing how people can know the word of God and yet not be able to put it to practice..
but its only natural..
we are not God ....
we are Man..and man is not perfect..
i know he is not perfect and i am not either....
and tt is why we often make sacrifices for each other ...
everything ended well ....
i was surprised....
because i was so so angry to begin with
i never felt so angry before..
we prayed together...
God is good all the time
whatever the future holds...
let it be according to His will...
Lord,
Help me to forgive the party involve...
give me strength to carry on ...
give me wisdom and your grace to know what step to take and what choice to make...
For only you can be the answer to every problem ...
posted by Ng Yashi @ 5:43 am
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