6 qualities of a strong family or any relationship
This post came a little late. i Saved it as a draft for a pretty long time. hahah ..been out playing more frequently recently. Its a message shared by past mark conner in church svc about 1 week ago.6 qualities of a strong family - by Pastor Mark Conner
1) Strong committment to each other
Love = committment of promise and vow to each other and not based on a foundation of FEELINGS.
Jesus was COMMITTED to his disciples even when they betrayed or deny Him.
2) Express appreciation to each other
eph 4:29 LET NO CORRUPT WORD PROCEED OUT OF YOUR MOUTH BUT WHAT IS GOOD FOR NECESSARY EDIFICATION, THAT IT MAY iMPART GRACE TO THE HEARERS.
Proverbs 18:21 > The tongue has the power of life and death.
Reflection : Be aware of the things i am saying to others and how nobody is perfect. And not everything that i say or other people say are for necessary edification. To not take others personally becoz i know they didnt mean anything. I love and hate being sensitive. It really works out for both the extreme good and bad for me.
3) Have good communication
James 1:9 Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to get angry.
Be quick to listen > by listening, we earn the right to be heard
Slow to speak > think before speaking and speak words that produce life. Be open and speak the truth in love.
Slow to get angry > we need to control our anger
Reflections : I have no problems with the first two. But definately, i need to be more patient and be slow to get angry. Actually i don't get angry that easily , but i got something worse is that once i get angry, i find it so hard to get out of it, not to dwell in it. My anger once ignited can spiral into a tornado and make things worse than it should be. The lord says be angry but do not sin ...we should never allow anger get on top of us...
4) Spend alot of time together
Dont be too busy elsewhere and spend LEFTOVER time with our family. It doesnt matter what we do as long as time is spent together
winning isnt everything but losing is also nothing
Reflections : Last week tristan asked me > When are you free to talk to me without any distractions? Well i have definately been too caught up in doing my stuff (theres always work and play and work and play) and forgotten how important it is to spend quality time on the phone with him esp since we dun meet up physically now. What he said was a wakeup call that our relationship is more important than all that. In singapore i always ask him what we are gonna do on sat etc , and he wld have no idea. Becoz to him, it doesnt matter what we do, as long as we r spending time with each other. Haha but end of the day i feel what we do is important also...different kinds of activities help us learn more abt another person in a different way. And Man is realli one complicated being, theres never an end to knowing a person.
5) Able to deal with problems in a positive manner.
INTENSE FELLOWSHIP is common in any relationship (pst mark always says this with the crowd laughing..hmm must be a personal experience of everyone of us)
eph 4:26 > be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath. ie do not use anger in a destructive manner.
the devil gets a foothold from unresolved conflicts.
It is how we respond to the situation and what we do about it that matters.
anger gets us in trouble but PRIDE KEEPS US IN TROUBLE.
do not let pride destroy the relationship
Paul > clear conscience with God and the people
Do we go to bed angry?
Be first to apologize.
Every conflict takes 2 hands to clap. Both sides are wrong usually.
personal reflections : recently i had this big quarrel with a good friend of mine called S. My habit after a fight with anyone is to avoid the person, not answer calls or replying smses. A bad habit but something i love. I feel i would often say more wrong and hurtful things i don't mean when i continue to talk to the other party of the quarrel. So i can go for days giving the person the cold treatment. haha tristan knows this so well. Actually tristan prefers if i just have time to cool off becoz he noes i say things i dun mean when i am not given time away. I guess thats how guys deal with it so they understand it more. But girls generally like to talk things out. After my quarrel with S, she kept calling and smsing me..which realli irritated me. and things got worse becoz i didnt pick up her calls or reply her sms which left her thinking alot of things. so on my side, i am cooling off and getting better to forgive , but on her side she felt more and more upset. so a small thing spiralled into a tornado. Cost me alot of tears and emotions.
What i learnt from this episode is that i should never assume that other people know or accept my way of dealing with feelings of upset. I should always consider how other people would feel with my total ignorance. i also learnt that i could easily just told S that i needed time to cool down and be alone. She would then understand and not have to guess why im not responding. hahah..
im actually glad we went thru this episode. We know each other more and i think that goes into strengthening any friendship if arguements were resolved constructively.
posted by Ng Yashi @ 9:10 am
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